tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1358549399838555786.post5822983738651474453..comments2023-08-13T05:51:02.635-04:00Comments on werelivingafulllife: - post card- Death of a child- guilt and marriageAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10204165708189660644noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1358549399838555786.post-45442262786121738782011-03-16T22:01:24.896-04:002011-03-16T22:01:24.896-04:00Yes I have had unceasing guilt in my Joshua's ...Yes I have had unceasing guilt in my Joshua's death. The "What Ifs" are just gut wrentching. It comes in waves that almost smother me, even when I am awake. Especially on the anniversary of his death. <br>I have a movie that plays over and over in my head of the moment that he died. It is in color... In our life jackets I hear his voice saying (his sweet beautiful 3 year old voice), Daddy I'm scared... daddy I'm scared. I hear me telling him... It's ok i got you, i got you Lil buddy. To the moment I have to let go and see him get pulled to the bottom...... out of my arms. I feel the cold pressure of the water. I see the bubbles.<br><br>4 years and it is still hell.<br>Why did God spare me and not him?<br>How come I could not make everything Ok?<br><br>Yes I do have the pain of the "What ifs".<br><br>Gods love keeps me going.<br><br>Jim DorchakJim Dorchaknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1358549399838555786.post-45767712222448488572011-03-16T23:00:21.213-04:002011-03-16T23:00:21.213-04:00Sorry Jen. I didn't mean to blubber.....Jim Do...Sorry Jen. I didn't mean to blubber.....<br><br>Jim DorchakJim Dorchaknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1358549399838555786.post-10243410925514642382011-03-17T09:56:27.196-04:002011-03-17T09:56:27.196-04:00Oh Jim, I am so sad for your pain but i know ... ...Oh Jim, I am so sad for your pain but i know ... when it comes to our children how intensely we feel their loss-question ourselves so i'm not at all surprised by it. Jim it is not blubbering- it is love.You will alway find understanding for your feelings and your experience here on this blog. <br>Jenjen@its all about mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10204165708189660644noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1358549399838555786.post-41517048184538171122011-03-17T11:16:10.838-04:002011-03-17T11:16:10.838-04:00Thanks JenJim DorchakThanks Jen<br><br>Jim DorchakAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1358549399838555786.post-21534724481612227282011-03-18T17:24:37.728-04:002011-03-18T17:24:37.728-04:00I remember being up at the hospital the day before...I remember being up at the hospital the day before our daughter died...and I remember talking with my husband about the very same thing...that when a child dies...it often ends in the parents' divorce. <br><br>I also remember wanting to hang onto that deep, sharp, stinging pain and feeling guilty when I was able to feel some joy and happiness again...because it felt like feeling those things...meant I was somehow forgetting, or losing, more of her.<br><br>This post very much hits home...but I'm so thankful that God has pulled the two of you closer through the pain of losing your kiddos.<br>So thankful.<br><br>And that has been true for us as well...Karahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13182607074543277164noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1358549399838555786.post-51648695156586465872011-03-18T18:31:01.723-04:002011-03-18T18:31:01.723-04:00I think that moment the guilt hit(and I remember t...I think that moment the guilt hit(and I remember the exact moment) I was going to be ok- the guilt was the proof I was moving forward. <br>I'm glad you and your hubby were able to work thru it at well, after the death of your daughter. Its just a mine field of stuff for us parents to work thru isn't it?jen@its all about mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10204165708189660644noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1358549399838555786.post-82945472258365925482011-06-01T21:05:02.000-04:002011-06-01T21:05:02.000-04:00I am so incredibly sorry to hear about what happen...I am so incredibly sorry to hear about what happened to your children. What a horrifying accident. I can't even begin to imagine the pain you've had to live with. I just lost my sister a little over a month ago and had never experienced grief before. Grief is a very special animal and I am just learning how to deal with it myself. But I am happy to hear that your marriage did not suffer because of it. That is defnitely a gift from God.Organic Motherhood with Cool Whiphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09305464822153790948noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1358549399838555786.post-76786770288163685392011-06-01T22:54:18.498-04:002011-06-01T22:54:18.498-04:00Naomi, I'm sorry about the death of your siste...Naomi, <br>I'm sorry about the death of your sister; grief can be terribly hard. You just kinda have to sit with it, feel it, no rushing- take however long it takes to work thru whatever your feeling and then take some more time, what I mean is there are no time lines with this stuff; you just don't ever "get over or get closer" that's just crap you read in the funny papers. At least that's how it happened for me. At least that's my opinion. <br>Just be easy with yourself and take care :)jen@its all about mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10204165708189660644noreply@blogger.com