When a parent dies- Fragile x Guardian

I didn't know if she had months or years left on this earth but her health was declining. I had heard it happens frequently after couples who have been together for decades are tragically separated by death.  Her beloved husband of some sixty years had died the previous year. It was decided now was the right time for her to transfer guardianship; a sad but necessary reality for aging parents with disabled children.

She looked into my eyes and said “I know you're going to take care of my baby girl.” After thirty plus years of friendship it was as simple as that. I nodded my head, making my promise to do just that. The details would be ironed out later. 

And so my guardianship began and my relationship with her daughter took on a new dimension. ( I will save my explanation of the actual guardian process, education requirements, attorney involvement, court involvement, background checks, and the paperwork required for another time and post) but i will say now that took roughly four months for the entire process to be completed.

And sadly one of my first tasks as guardian along with (her caretakers) was to began a coordinated effort to prepare her and see her thru the decline leading up to her mothers death. 

Coping with her mothers declining health was frightening for her at times. We needed to be sensitive to her emotional needs and respect her decisions and never force her to visit her mother if she wasn't feeling up to it. She did well however and visited quite regularly though for the next year.

Then the call came; mom had died. I quickly made arrangements for a flight out and coordinated with the house manager on how we would approach telling her that her mom had passed. 

The three of us sat together in close a circle in the office of the group home and I told her that her mother had gone to heaven. She looked down at the floor, my heart was breaking for her. I thought about the sadness we feel when someone we love dies, the anger, the tears and how missing them sometimes makes our insides hurt. Truthfully I was feeling a bit of all of those emotions myself having lost my dear friend. So I told her she may feel those thing herself and it was perfectly ok if she did.

The holding my breath I asked her “would you like to tell me how you feel?” She looked up and me and said as clear as a bell, “happy.” I was stunned! “Can you tell me why you're happy?” She has very limited verbal skills she usually can put three words together in a sentence but rarely more.  Then in a clear voice filled with conviction she said “ mommy and daddy are together, I'm happy”

What a beautiful thing!

With this ring I remember..

Do you have a special object that evokes special memories of a special person or a wonderful time in your life?

I love stories. If I didn’t love tell stories I wouldn't be a blogger.

Most often the story behind the object is more valuable to me than the object itself.

My grandparents were immigrants living in Brooklyn N.Y, he was a baker she a stay at home mother of five. The 1920’s were not a very prosperous time for them, but they got by. There were not many luxuries in their home; probably the most valuable of their possessions was her wedding ring/engagement set and yet it was very modest by any means.

One day she lost her engagement ring.  

Popa went to the local jeweler and had him make a ring for Nana. I can imagine that the $25.00 he paid for it was a lot of money back then. Nana loved the sentiment, she loved the ring, it was sweet and beautiful with two hearts back to back but it wasn't her ring.

Did you ever dig in the cushions of the couch of change? My Dad did one day when he was about 12 and came up with something a bit more valuable than a few pennies he was looking for; he found my Nana’s engagement ring. 

She slipped that engagement back in its place on her finger and the heart ring on another finger and wore them both. She in fact wore the engagement ring until her death at 95 but the heart ring had a different fate.

Many older folks give treasured items to their loved in order to see them enjoy them as opposed to leaving them in a will.  She was a wonderful Grandmother who lived with us and was a tremendous part of my life. 

Years later Nana gave that heart ring to Daddy and he immediately passed it to me. I received that ring 38 years ago and have worn it every day. Sadly, Popa died when I was six. I know Nana and Daddy saw my joy when I was given that ring. Now that they've all passed I feel like I wear their hearts all the time glistening on my finger.  

There’s a great place I know about to get a ring or watch or piece of art to start a new memory by adding a new treasure to your family. There are some wonderful items there. Have you ever visited Invaluable Auctions?  Why not visit their website and check out their great selection of rings. 

Do you have a special piece of jewelry with that has a story worth telling? I'd love to hear it!

learning lessons- Fragile x Guardian

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She is a joy!  She is usually smiling, she says" I'm happy" twenty times a day,  she loves music, loves to dance and adores food and eating out. I am a lucky woman to be able to be be her guardian  and her friend.  She lives in a beautiful group home, her roommates are truly her family, her team of caretakers love her to death and God has blessed with good health.

My girl was born with (fragile x) syndrome and she has many, but not all of these symptoms.

• intellectual disabilities, ranging from mild to severe
• attention deficit and hyperactivity, particularly in young children
• anxiety and unstable mood
• autistic behaviors
• sensory integration problems, such as hypersensitivity to loud noises or bright lights
• speech delay, with expressive language more severely affected than receptive language
• seizures (epilepsy) affect about 25% of people with Fragile X

Recently one of her doctors decided on a course of treatment for which I did not understand or agree. Although I've have a lifetimes worth of opinions I am by no means unwilling to listen to a doctor’s reasons for treatment or medication. So I called and I faxed and I got no response, no explanation. NOTHING!

When I took over her guardianship, she had doctors in place and it never dawned on me to check on their credentials. 

Why would he decide on doing xyz and then refuse to discuss it with me? So me being me, I got suspicious and did background check of the doctor.

This doctor WAS and IS without question a criminal. He has a documented history of personal use/addition to drugs in two states. There is a record of malpractice, a history of prescribing adult psychiatric meds to children, he has been cited numerous times for over medicating venerable foster children in clinical drug trials by the FDA and he’d been arrested for drunk driving and possession of cocaine (and entered into a court diversion program).

It is beyond me how he was allowed to see patients with this record. And you can bet she will never ever enter his office again. 

I am bewildered with how the lenient medical licensing boards are with doctors and it is scary to think how our most vulnerable are at risk if exposed to these horrible doctors.

I needed to do a better job reviewing her health care providers; something I have come to regret. 

  

Do you check the background of your physicians?

my new fashion statement

sneaky folks

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They rolled me into the operating room and the anesthesiologist said to me from behind.

” I’m putting a little something in your IV; you’re going to feel it in a second or two”.

We got into the operating room,  they asked me to scoot over from the gurney to the operating table, feeling no pain from the drugs I happily complied.

“I don’t remember feeling like this since I had a few to many beers at a party at my cousin Colleen’s house and fell up the stairs.” 

This I shared since apparently I become chatty Suzie on drugs.

I adjusted my pillow, my blankets..

“There you are, surgery went well, I was wondering when you were going to wake up.” I’ll get some ice for that foot”.

Those anesthesiologists are sneaky folks.

it went tick, clank bang and boom

It seems like every time I try to make an effort to get back to this blog the universe has another plan.

The other day I picked up my laptop to check on comments and see what was going on with some of my blog friends and I heard this noise... It sounded like a pebble was stuck in the fan of my laptop; then within minutes it progressed to a much louder sound more reminiscent to pots and pans being banged around inside my computer.

I remember thinking to myself, this is not good. So I took a chance and turned it off and then back on again while silently praying that it would actually work.

Hallelujah, it was actually ON and there was no sound!

That's when I noticed the white letters displayed on my screen "the main fan has failed - in order to not harm your system this machine will shut down automatically in 15 seconds".

Sigh....

I do not care to use my husbands desk top (that's his space)  and my smartphone is really not all that functional for writing blog posts. It has more to do with the fact that everything is so darn small and I'd just rather not squint or use a magnifying glass.

Needless to say my poor computer had to go the computer doctor (Russell) to be fixed.. and now thanks to him I'm back in business.

What do you do when your computer goes on the fritz?

Things that ha ha ha happen when you travel

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You're going away on a trip; maybe it's spontaneous or a planned family vacation. Chances are you will be in an airport, or a hotel or both long before you'll  reach your ultimate goal.. that beach chair with a rum drink slathered with sun tan lotion.

In those places teaming with people anything can happen, you can bump into a neighbor, your high school gym teacher, your bunk mate from that summer camp thirty years ago. But I have come to the believe the most amusing things actually happen on those chance encounters with virtual strangers.

Here's what I mean....


THE PLANE- STINKY MAN

You're sitting on a plane you get all comfortable, put your book in the seat back in front of you,  get your ear buds ready in case chatty Susie sits in next seat, you buckle up AND.....then the person next to you slips off their jacket and you GAG; holy crap doesn't this person know what deodorant is?  Of all the stinking luck!!

THE AIRPORT TERMINAL BAR -MY LIFE STORY GUY

You're waiting for your flight and go to the bar for a beer and a burger. You're reviewing  in your mind how you made it thru security without event.You did not get felt up by a big very serious unattractive person...it's your lucky day....THEN  the person next to you says hello, you nod politely. Before you even take two sips of your beverage they're already ten years, two divorces and 140 alimony payments into their life story!  Can anyone say INDIGESTION?

BAGGAGE HANDLER-MARIO ANDRETTI
You ran to the last gate because that's how it always is when you have a connecting flight.It is NEVER the first gate when you're in a hurry. They're just about to close the cabin doors but they let you in regardless. You're huffing and puffing as you plop in your seat then you glance out the window and apparently you're not the only one behind schedule. Mario Andretti baggage guy comes speeding across the tarmac luggage for the flight you've just gotten off in tow. As he's approaching you spot you're uniquely patterned luggage at the top of the heap. YIPPEE you think to yourself, a bit red faced you check to make sure you didn't actually yell that aloud. Right at that moment your attention is drawn back to Mario who begins to whip his truck more directly in the planes direction and as he turns your luggage hurls in the air and lands like a ton of bricks on the black surface.Say it all together now LOST LUGGAGE.

HOTEL-COUGAR,I DON'T THINK SO!
Your twenty something SON has two tickets to a concert and he asks you to go, A friend admittedly his first choice didn't care for this band but your happy to go anyway.You get a great place to stand by the railing overlooking the stage and not to far from the bar. The music is loud and the beer is cold and wet. When the concert is over and you both hit the fresh and air two words become a clear possibility.....DRUNK DRIVING. You glance to the left and VIOLA there is a very large and respectable hotel chain within walking distance from where you're standing. As you're checking in the front desk attendant asks you carefully avoiding full eye contact "Madame would you and your (throat clear) like one bed or two?"

Do you travel? Most people who do have a story.

Why not share it with us.

A vacancy in my house has been filled

I couldn't even begin to fill you in on all the stuff that happened during my blog break in one post.

But I'd love to tell you a bit about what and who was keeping me busy during those many months.

I will say this, it was interesting having a whole family move into our house.
It was actually kinda nice for my husband to have his daughter back here in the US after over a twenty year absence.
Now I won't lie to ya. I am giddy to have my house back and Bill and I love our space.

And we also love that our gas bill isn't huge anymore!!

My stepdaughter Barbara really is a lovely person. I'd like to think we became pretty close over the year + she was here. I found her to be a loving and attentive mother and wife. And we enjoyed an easy relationship agreeing early on who should do what and when in the house and I think made things run smoothly. And boy can this woman iron.

Her husband, George was gone working most of the time but God bless the man although very high strung which the opposite of me, we did have the same taste buds. When I got into the kitchen picky kids be darned or happy with mac n cheese and chicken nuggets,. He and I would always agree on food, how much spice, how much garlic, love of citrus,  what cheeses are the best and the wine, we even liked the same wine. And who doesn't like a man who is wonderfully respectful to your mother, he called her Ya-ya.

The boys, Nickolas and Andrea's, well I don't have to tell you they were adorable and just crawled into a space into my heart and my heart just aches with missing them since they've been gone. The are ten and fourteen and were my very special cookie maker and watcher of Supernatural buddies respectively. sigh....

Shortly after they moved out an orphan kitten showed up at our door. My heart just sang because this sad little fellow was looking for a home, isn't it lucky for him we had a vacancy?!

My friends, meet Eightball.

Brushing the cobwebs off this blog..

I was looking at the date of my last post and couldn't believe so many months had past since I'd been on this blog. When I wrote my last post When Life Trumps Blogging it was my intention to take a bit of a blog break since life was a bit crazy. It seems however time has really gotten away from me.

Believe me, life is very much back to normal and has been since the summer when our family/ house guests moved out.

To be honest I've just gotten out of practice writing and very lazy, hence no blog activity.

As I write this I can't help but wonder if more than a handful of you are even still checking this blog. I appreciate the comments and emails I've gotten over these past months weeks and days. It goes without saying but I'll say it anyway I missed you all and I appreciate your friendship! I look forward to catching up on what is new in your lives now that I'm back.

Leave a comment and say hi.
If you want tell me what's new.
I'd love to hear from you.

when life trumps blogging

I have over the course of the past month received  more than a few concerned emails and comments about where the heck I've been.
Thanks my friends I appreciate your concern.
I'm fine, really.
Just taking a break.
Lots going on.
Here's the skinny.


We still have a full house here. My step daughter and her family are due to move out within the next month or maybe a bit more. Everyone's working full time, and he's gotten all of his immigration/work stuff worked out. We're busy helping out picking up the slack with the kids, taking care of Mom who's doing great at 86 and getting in a trip now and then so I can fulfill my guardian obligations.

 Having kids in the house again, having homework time, dinnertime, bedtime keeps me so tired busy that I don't seem to be able to carve out a regular time out to attend to this blog. I can't imagine however not getting right back to it once we have the house back to ourselves. Any extra time I have quite frankly I've been putting into planting my vegetable gardens.

And then there's the other stuff, the not so good, and down right sad stuff.

My cat Cheetah, the cat from my "B" post on A-Z was hit by a car and died. Poor thing wandered out into the street and didn't stand a chance. And if you've ever wondered if cats mourn, they do. His brother Tarzan, sat a the front door for a week waiting for Cheetah to come home, when he didn't he then laid on the couch for two weeks barely eating.

I lost my Aunt Paula who was very dear to me in recently. We had a very special relationship starting back when I was a small girl and blossomed as I became an adult into one of love, friendship and mutual respect. I will miss more than I can say. I'm just so darn sad that she's gone.

Then as you know I am a legal guardian for a  lady (with intellectual disabilities) who is a dear family friend, lets call her B. B's Dad passed away 17 months ago and her mother entered into a rest home. Sadly, her mother, passed away last week. B knew her Mom was getting ready to "go to heaven" to be with her Dad and we did our best to prepare her for that.  When I told her her mother died  I asked her if she was sad, upset or mad. My thought was to try to encourage her to use her limited verbal skills to express her feelings. She looked at me and said, " I'm happy, they're together."  She's an amazing woman.

A to Z Challenge J is for Mason Jars

theme‘My views of the south’as seen thru the eyes of a former New Yorker

I had never used mason jars before I moved to the south and let me tell you, they are wonderful.

They are the number one most used item in my house during the vegetable growing season.
I use them for fresh water bath canning of vegetables, sauces,fruit jams and the like.

It would not be unusual to go to visit a neighbor and be served a iced tea in one of these jars as well.

Not a gardener?
Want are some other ways to use them?

Candle holders...
Lightning bug holders..

Or
How about creating a handmade gift?

Mix up your favorite brownie or cookie recipe (dry ingredients only) put it in one of these jars. Attach handwritten directions and a bow and you have created wonderful hostess or holiday gift.

Have you ever used them?
Tell us what for...

A to Z Challenge I is for Home Invader

theme‘My views of the south’as seen thru the eyes of a former New Yorker

I just want to be clear; nothing bad happened here….

Our home invader had four legs and was adorable.

Here’s the story!

The neighbor has a bunch of cats and one very cute orange kitten.

Then he went into the hospital and the very cute kitten was at our door every day crying meow…meow….meow..

And my grandsons said, “Grandma, he’s so cute!”

So I ran to the phone as quickly as I could and called the neighbors mother and told her if she didn't take the kitten away I’d find the little fellow a good home.

She took him away, but two weeks later and he was back at our door…meow….meow….meow…

I mentioned to my husband Bill “if that kitten follows our own cats thru one of our two kitty doors he'll never leave.”

You've heard of the expression.. from my mouth to God's ears?

Two days later I awoke and in between Bill and I under the bed covers was our little home invader laying on his back sound asleep IN OUR BED!!!

He had entered thru the kitty door and made his way upstairs to our bedroom.

He adopted us not the other way around; and we both agreed!

Our little orphan cat has finally grown out of his a garbage picking and food begging.

We named him Oliver Twist.

A to Z Challenge H is for Houses of Worship

theme‘My views of the south’as seen thru the eyes of a former New Yorker

This church is called Good Shepherd.

It is located on a fairly isolated country road not far from my house.

I have attended services here with friends who regularly worship here although it is not my church.

It is a lovely building and is the epitome of a quaint country house of worship in my opinion.

Many similar structures are located throughout our area.

It’s charming isn't it?

A to Z Challenge G is for General Store

theme‘My views of the south’as seen thru the eyes of a former New Yorker

This store hasn't been opened for business for many years.

 As you can imagine in its day it was the place to go for gas as well as many other items of convenience.

General stores like these throughout our area have been neglected or remade into residences; this one however has been lovingly preserved.

It is a time capsule of days gone by; a reminder of a time long before the interstate system was built when citizens both local and passer by traveling on Route 1 (one) would stop for gas, a soft drink and some friendly conversation.

A to Z Challenge F is for flowers

theme‘My views of the south’as seen thru the eyes of a former New Yorker

We've worked for years to get our vegetable garden soil in shape by tilling in natural matter such as leaves so that we can grow organic veggies.

It’s a completely different story with the gardens surrounding the house. We have some bushes and a crape myrtle even an azalea or two. Flowers however are really hard to grow here because of the heat and the huge amounts of clay in the soil.

Needless to say we do have flowers but they’re mostly perennials/bulbs many which have been on this property since we've move here like these tiger lillies. 

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Or these wildflowers which I photographed down by my pond one day. I have no idea what they are but they are strange and lovely at the same time.

Sad but true; other than putting an occasional flower in my herb pots on my back porch; I've basically given up throwing my money away on frying flowers in the hot southern sun.

Do you do plant flowers at your house?

A to Z Challenge E is for Evening Sky

theme‘My views of the south’as seen thru the eyes of a former New Yorker

We live in a rural area. In fact there aren't any sidewalks outside of the town proper; and in town there's one stop sign, seriously! And lighted roads (street lights)?  Few and far between.

When I first moved south, it was hard for me to drive in total darkness. It took a good amount of time for my eyes to adjust to the darkness. Funny but now when I go home to New York it’s the reverse!!

When the sun goes down it is DARK. 

The stars, moon and planets hang in the sky like jewels in the night.

Here we get our light as God intended, the natural way!

This is a picture of the evening sky out my backdoor.

A to Z Challenge D is for Deer Abbey

theme‘My views of the south’as seen thru the eyes of a former New Yorker

This picture shows a friend and frequent visitor to our property. 

She was fondly named by my granddaughter who aptly chose the name ‘Deer Abbey’. 

She especially loves the tender leafs and sweet fruit of our fruit trees. 

We see her frequently in the mornings and twilight nibbling on the lower branches of the pear and apple trees lower branches.

Beautiful isn't she? 

A to Z Challenge C is for Cow

Holy cow!

Cute little fellow isn't he?

Well I have news for you he’s bred for eating.

So I guess I should admit it I love steak! I don’t eat it much but upon occasion I do enjoy a nice medium rare one.

Many of the farmers around my area have cows for milk and steers for eating.  I drive past them all the time grazing in the fields and never giving much thought to what eventually will happen to them.

We have a big enough piece of property that we could probably have a few of these cute cows. My husband Bill knew however it would be futile since I would never ever eat them, they would be assigned names and become family pets.

..Or as he said big fat lawn mowers..

Chances are this beautiful creature is going to be on someone’s table someday soon.

I always think of my meat butchered nicely and placed on trays under plastic in the meat section of the market and rarely think of the animal it came from.

Do you ever give any thought to where your meat comes from?

Or do you go without from eating meat?

A to Z Challenge B is for Bird watching

This is my third year or participating in The A-Z Blogging Challenge and I’ll be writing a blog post a day each day of the month except Sunday for the month of April.

This year I’ll be doing a theme which I’ve decided to call ‘My views of the south’. 

I will show you my south as I see it with my camera….. and I will tell you from my perspective as a former New Yorker what I find to be unique about this place that I now call home.  Follow along as I share with you what I consider the South’s ordinary even extraordinary beauty one letter at a time.

Enjoy!

Do you like to bird watch?

Well, clearly so does my cat Cheetah.

Our whole family does!

We keep a book that lists all the birds of North America in our home. We use it frequently to identify the birds that visit bird houses, baths and in our feeders or nest in our trees and bushes.  Many times over the years we've been fortunate enough to see a variety of new species when they visit our yard. We have many cardinal’s, crows, blue birds, blue jays, wood peckers, mocking birds, indigo buntings and gold finches to name a few.

Clearly, Cheetah was fascinated as he watched this crow perched upon the clay pot. I have to wonder however if he would much rather have done what comes natural and ‘eaten some crow’ lol!!

Do you have bird feeders, bird baths or bird houses at your home?

Do you bird watch?

A to Z challenge A is for Apple tree

This is my third year or participating in The A-Z Blogging Challenge and I’ll be writing a blog post a day each day of the month except Sunday for the month of April.

This year I’ll be doing a theme which I’ve decided to call ‘My views of the south’. 

I will show you my south as I see it with my camera….. and I will tell you from my perspective as a former New Yorker what I find to be unique about this place that I now call home.  Follow along as I share with you what I consider the South’s ordinary even extraordinary beauty one letter at a time.

Enjoy!

I was trying   to be good this year and pre-wrote a  number of my posts, so this morning I went to publish my A post and realized  I never did an A post!!  Sorry I’m late folks!! Not the greatest start for this challenge but here goes…

We have a large piece of property; it would be safe to say it is a farm although we don’t have farm animals nor do we grow large amounts of crops. Regardless of that, taking care of our land can be burdensome; there mowing, weeding raking leaves and generally making sure that it looks as neat and tidy as possible. There are acres and acres of woods so that is a huge difference from the 100 x 80 parcel that we lived on in New York.

One of my favorite things about living here in the south is the abundance of fruit trees. We have peaches, plums, pears and apples right out the back door. There is nothing better than picking a fresh apple off the tree and eating it in the shade of that very tree.

I have made apple sauce to serve with dinner with freshly picked apples and of course apple pies and cakes.  Mmm….apple pie is wonderful and one of my favorite deserts!

What’s your favorite apple desert?

Do you have an apple tree?