October 8, 2013

baggage

I have a confession to make. I have baggage. Not luggage but baggage. Maybe you have a baggage too?You know what I mean right? The kind of baggage filled with ideas or beliefs from your past life experience that may affect your life now in a way that either isn't relevant or my even be inappropriate.
  
 I've actually just opened a bag with a childhood issue the other day.

This is how my issue came to light…

Have I mentioned before that I wasn't a good student when I was a child? As I think back I remember actually having bursts of desire to do well but I just could never produce consistently. As a child I didn’t think there was anything unusual with my abilities or intelligence. But hey what did I know? Looking back however I do remember having problems concentrating.  

I don’t think I ever fully understood how well I did in school would be to my future whether college was in my future or not. What we accomplish (or not) is so very important to how we feel about ourselves when we get older as I would come to find out very recently.  And believe me I wasn’t prepared for the intensity of that feeling of insecurity.  

Fast forward to me in my fifties...

It has now been some five months since my appointment as guardian of a friend who is intellectually disabled adult. My duties as guardian are varied and many. I have heard it said that being a guardian can be a burden, they even said it in one of those little booklets they give out. Take my word for it… DO not believe it. Taking care of our most vulnerable whether it’s our children, our elderly or our disabled DOES involve work and an added amount responsibility but the way I see it it’s an act of LOVE.  

Flash back to my school days….

As part of my certification as a guardian besides the background checks and such I was informed I had to take a course at an approved college either in person or online classes were available.(oh no!) And there would be a test which I had to pass in order for me to be certified. (crap) Did I mention I hated tests?

I’ve had enough therapy to know that it was totally unreasonable for me to have anxiety about entering into a school situation.  A teenage girl, a ghost from the past had high jacked my emotions and left me worried and insecure and questioning my abilities.

With little choice I put my big girl pants on and I signed up and took the class. I diligently listened to the lectures, read all the available handbooks and for a total of eight hours I and watched the necessary videos and carefully took notes.  

Then the moment of truth…the test

Do you remember when you were a kid and things seemed so much bigger than they really were? Well, when you’re 54 and channeling your inner 15 year old it’s the same. 

 I aced the test. (exhale)

Do you carry around baggage from your childhood?

18 comments:

  1. WTG Jen!! Glad you aced the test! Good to see the extent one has to go throughto be a caregiver; good screening process indeed. Now hope you won't have to be recertified any time soon?

    betty

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    1. Thanks Betty, And no I think that all with the classes. Just yearly background checks to make sure I'm not a criminal. Makes sense considering some especially the elderly who have guardians have loads of money and are ripe for the picking from unethical friends and family who steal.

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  2. I'll say I do!!! My baggage is crammed full and I've toted it along with me my entire life. And I'm not a test taker, either. All you have to do is mention the word test and I freeze and forget everything I thought I knew.

    Congratulations on acing the test! That's one piece of the baggage you can empty and tuck away.

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    1. Another thing we have in common :)
      No more test for me for a while I hope, thanks for the good wishes.

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  3. Well done on your test. Yes, those school days have a lot to answer for! Your friend you are looking after is very lucky to have you there to support and love them.

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    1. Thanks Sally! Funny how those childhood issues just reach up out of the blue and grab you but it's worth it :)

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  4. Congrats to you, A+ student!! And what a wonderful, caring role you have taken on. Much love to you and this new venture!! ~Angela

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    1. It is a two way street Angela. I am on the receiving end of so much love and caring from her as well. Thanks!

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  5. Good job, Jen! Those anxieties from the past suck. Sounds like you had some good inspiration to put this anxiety behind you.

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    1. So true Jennifer.
      I'm glancing in my rear view mirror at my baggage falling in the road.

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    1. Thanks my friend.
      I'm doing the happy dance :)

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  7. I'm convinced a lot of that is because you weren't interested in what you were learning back then! Bravo to you for nailing this test!

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    1. You're a sweetheart Liz.
      That would mean I wasn't interested in A LOT :)

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  8. Well done but I'm surprised you had to sit a test to be a gurdian but I suppose they have to make sure you're a sensible person. I think we alll bring along fears from childhood,I had a stammer at school,the fear of standing up in class and talking still haunts me. My stammer only occurs now and then and in the oddest situations,when I went back to college and we were asked to stand and talk about ourselves I was back to being a scared child again but with my maturity I stood and told everyone I had a slight stammer and to bear with me and I don't think I ever stammered in class.
    Where have you been? I was getting worried ,I've been on holiday and back and there was no post from you,glad to see you're back again.

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  9. Hi Jen - oh oh been there and done that. Well - congratulations on taking on the responsibility and looking after someone who is very fortunate to have you help them through their life.

    I didn't have an easy schooling ... but looking after my mother has certainly changed my life dramatically and now I need to continue practising it .. also the blog is educating me .. all in all life is easier as I age!

    Good for you - and I'm sure there will be many fun-filled times with much to interest and inform ... cheers - Hilary

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    1. Thanks Hilary! I think we change as we get older. I for one love to come over to you blog and get my history lessons and fill my empty head with the wonderful information you provide.

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  10. Yes, i think we all do.. My dad passed away when I was 14 - it totally changed my life and it made me very fearful and nervous. I also retreated into a shell. I have since grown out of it, but when things get tough, I feel like that 14 year old all over again.

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