March 6, 2012

it's never fun in the stirrups

As you may know before I was a mother I was a step-mother. The kids, two girls and a boy little and so in need of love and attention and me such a nurturing spirit we were a match made in heaven. Life together had it's challenges but we had a good life together and made a family. We blended together and chose to love one another. So you might ask what in the world does this have to do with the gynecologist?  Well, every time I went to the gynecologist the girl/nurse would ask me "how many children do you have?" {meaning pregnancies} And I would respond {two} I was blessed to have never miscarried nor did I ever  terminate a pregnancy but I always felt terrible that I could't claim them felt disloyal somehow. I would then rush to say, I have three other children that I'm raising as my own, because they were SO important to me. Love and youth makes  us do funny things.


Years and years later I had moved down here to Virginia and I fell into the routine of using my regular Internist for my "female needs" but time and peri-menopause came a callin and I needed to find a gynecologist. I'll spare you all the details but test were done, problems I had a few and after a few years of going to him he recommended I have a procedure. Surgical in nature but not a biggie. The timing however was a biggie since it was about eight months after the kids accident. Now remember the question I mentioned above, well this doctor had an additional question. One, how many kids do you have? Two, how many of your children are living? 

So I go in and have all the test for the procedure, check up, biopsy, blood test we discuss everything. When he suggested it I talked to my regular doctor, my neurologist to see if it would impact my migraines and at the time I was in therapy so naturally we discussed it as well. I was not lacking for medical advise or was I impaired in anyway from making my own medical decisions, this point is important to the story.

I'm sitting there in the gyno's office under the half sheet, he's reviewing my pre-op tests and all of the sudden he freezes. Did you ever play freeze tag when you were a kid? Because that's what he reminded me of, the man just froze!  Then he looks up at my half naked covered with a paper sheet body and says. "Last time you were here you had two living children now you have one" and those words hang in the air. Part statement almost question, I wasn't biting however so then he asked. "May I ask what happened?" So I tell him that Gretchen and Eric were killed when his car was disabled on the highway and she went to pick him up, then a truck ran them over. Talking about this was difficult still so I don't give many details. His response was this {and I shit you not and he did this all while scribbling on his prescription pad} "that must have been rough." Five words, no eye contact, then he literally threw a prescription at me. Shocked I was shocked, I took this to mean that he was effectively cancelling my procedure.  Then he went on to say briskly   "try these pills and I'll see you in three months" and he walked out of the office leaving me half naked and shaking in shock on the exam table.

I wobbled off that exam table shaking like a leaf, got dressed then stumbled out of that office to the car where Bill was waiting. I'm sure it's no shock to any of you reading this post that I never filled that prescription. I never did go back to him either, no trust and it was beyond repair. I went out and found a great woman doctor instead!

I can only speculate why he did what he did.
Here's a few of my favorites made up ones:


1. He's a douche bag with the bedside manor of a douche bag!
2. He had some type of personal history & I brought up painful memories for him so he ran. {my therapist speculated he might have had some type of  painful history} I'm adding this because I love my former  therapist; nice guy and he'd want me to.
3. He wasn't willing to take the chance that I might be having difficulties with my mourning process that would interfere with my decision making but he didn't have the ornaments { that's balls} to speak openly with me about it.
4. He was just trying to make money on this new procedure and  unknowingly picked a vulnerable person { mourning mother}
5. He's a dirt bag who is unable to really connect with his patients.
6. He didn't tell me the whole truth and the pills would have been enough {fyi, my new gyno gave me pills}

Have you ever had a professional or personal relationship that has just left you scratching you head thinking what in the holy heck just happened here?



Linking up with Things I Can't Shell,  Thanks Shell !

23 comments:

  1. Oh my goodness!! What is wrong with people??!! I'm so sorry, but so happy you found another obgyn. Sometimes woman understand. Do you think you will always wonder why be just left you on the table with no explanation?

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    1. I do! I just don't understand people like him really I don't.

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  2. Fuming here as I read this! I think your gyno is related to mine. When I miscarried in January, we found out during our first ob appt, during the routine ultrasound. The doctor said, "it's unfortunate. (pause) It's very common. (pause) Would you like to go ahead and schedule your D&C now?"

    Then, the ultrasound tech who verified there was no heartbeat before my D&C said, "Good luck with your procedure."

    The ONLY one who hugged me and said SORRY was the young, childless FEMALE doctor who did the D&C.

    I'm not sure if I will EVER go back to that practice, even with the nice female dr, but if I do, it will only be with a female dr. In my experience, they at least show basic human compassion. (The male dr, btw, delivered my twins!)

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  3. The hell?
    I'm going with all of the above.
    What a dick hole.
    I'm so sorry that you had to experience that.
    I had a run in with a GI doctor last week who found out I was bipolar and he said "I don't think you have any problems with your gallbladder aside from the tumor. Have you talked to your psychiatrist? You may just have a pulled muscle"...yea I have a tumor...you can see it on the ultrasound...yet it's in my head...cause I'm bipolar.
    BS.

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    1. You have a tumor for GOODNESS SAKE'S! Your gallbladder's gotta be revolting with that thing on it and I can't imagine that isn't painful. A little stone has been known to cause tremendous pain so what's their problem? They pull this all in your head crap because they don't know what the fu#& they're talking about... shitty doctors with no answers or compassion.

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  4. I wouldn't have gone back to him,either.

    What on earth was he thinking?

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  5. O H MY GOODNESS! I don't even know what to say. I can not even imagine... my sister died a year and a half ago... some how it always seems to come up in doctor's appointments. I suppose due to how the stress affects my diabetes and other health issues (I have migraines as well). And while I've received some shocking reactions (one of my doctors cried)...nothing like that. I wouldn't have filled the prescription or gone back either. I am SO sorry for your experience.

    I think I'm going to be shaking my head all day with this one... you and your family will be weighing on my heart.

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  6. My goodness - what an idiot! I've encountered some doctors like that and it really makes you wonder why they chose to practice in the first place. Did they not realize they would actually have to deal with people?

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  7. Oh Jen, I am sorry you had to go through what you did. His reaction was mysterious to say the least and he should be reported to some support group/agency because of his lack of professionalism.
    I am also sorry for your loss. I was not aware of it. You have our deepest sympathy and a wish that you get stronger and able to move forward with your life, as I am sure you are.
    Very honest post and heartfelt, good job Jen!

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  8. Yes, I've met professional who just wanted to do their job, and got it done with. Needless to say, they are out there, and I'm sorry you have to go through that cold and uncompassionate person!

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  9. a right foul git he was.....and that's all I have to say about that.

    good for you finding someone with a better bedside manner....and, human.

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  10. I say douchebag. Granted, that's my usual response when someone's an ass and this guy seems like a big one!
    Is there some sort of higher up/place you could send feedback on his poor bedside manner?
    I had a horrible experience with my miscarriage with my OBGYN. My husband was planning to write a letter, when lo & behold, a feedback form came in the mail. I poured out my soul in that form and it was so cathartic.

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    1. He was in private practice so I would have just been complaining to him, my guess is Jackie he wouldn't really hear me so I didn't bother.

      I'm sorry you had such a painful experience, regrettably I'm hearing more and more that you're not alone in feeling that you were treated in a calculus manner after you lost your baby. There's just something wrong here!

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  11. Seriously? Seriously! Oh, I don't even have nice words to say right now. So I'll be brief, I'm glad you found someone else. I can't imagine such a lack of compassion in a doctor who deals with pregnant women, or any woman for that matter.

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  12. Okay I rarely say bad words but I said, "No the hell he didn't!" And isn't that one of those times that you wish you could go back and say, "None of your d@mn business." Now that would have warranted the response he gave you. Humph. Jack@$$! Whew. Okay I've vented. That aside....calming down now...today was MY yearly. I got a new doc and she is WONDERFUL!! I'm not a new patient but she was new to the facility. She sat down and gave me her short story and then asked for mine. I don't think I've had any "connection" with a doctor since my childhood doc. That's a loooooooooong time.

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  13. Oh, I want to give you such a big hug. And slap the doctor hard. BIG BIG BIG BIG BIG HUGS.

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  14. So glad I found your blog on Casey and Jen's blogroll. I can't wait to read more. But I am sending a virtual hug too. Ellen is an OB-GYN though she doesn't practice, because she is busy raising her kids. I know she would never do this to you, but I bet she knows people who would. That he couldn't step back, look you in the eye, and give you a moment of compassion is heart-breaking. Erin

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    1. Thanks so much Erin hugs are always appreciated and accepted! The first thing my new Ob-Gyn {a female} did I recounted my experience with the jerk was to, reassure me of the fact that I was in good hands and then she hugged me!
      Too bad compassion can't be taught in med school but my feeling is you either have it or you don't.
      I had seen and received so much compassion from my other doctors, it was so sad he didn't have it in him!

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  15. What a jerk! I'm sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine. I'm glad you found someone else to go to.

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  16. It's time for a new doctor. And maybe a letter to the HR dept where this asshat works.

    I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

    Stopping by from the #WOE linkup.

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    1. Thanks Erin, I've had moments where I've actually wanted to do a lot worse!

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  17. O.M.G. What an asshole....
    I have to say probably 50 percent of the drs I have met in various situations are egomaniacs that have zero compassion or ability to relate to people on a human level....
    Ugh, So sorry for your loss - I hope most people in your life are a little more compassionate

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    1. Yup, they do not hand out compassion with the diploma!
      Thanks for being so nice, love the name by the way!

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