My husband and I sat on a beige love seat in a small office on that first day meeting with that therapist who helped guide us through our nightmare, we were numb. Everything as if in slow motion, we recounted what the State Police had told us what had happened to our children. As we delved further into the details I recounted what I said that night as I lay shivering in bed I told my husband " this is the worst day of our lives, tomorrow will be better".
As our relationship developed my therapist confided in me what he thought about those words, something I didn't even know at the time I possessed. He remembered the words as powerful- to him they conveyed hope.
Hope is such a powerful thing, Jen. So powerful and sometimes so hard to hold on to. I'm so impressed you could see it even then.
ReplyDeleteThere were many days when hope disappeared was completely out of my reach. Periods when i really struggled and then i'd get it back again only to loose it again. This is our burden until we make it thru our journey of grief to the other side.
ReplyDeleteThat is very much how I feel. One day I feel like it is going to be OK. We are going to get through this. Than that feeling evaporates and then I don't even know why I should try.
ReplyDeleteWe do so because we know our children would want us to, and because we love our families and ourselves! I'm sorry Dana its difficult I know.
ReplyDeleteI takes time (a lot of it) and for me, no matter what I did it seemed my grief had its own agenda-control over me instead of me having control over it.
And because we hold on to hope somewhere deep inside, those moments we feel OK turn into days, then into weeks and so on....
Just give it some time, you'll see you will be ok.