ok, spill it!

I've been following the traditions of not eating meat on Fridays during Lent maybe you have too? Some people give up an additional things, they usually sacrifice something else like giving  up a favorite food -drink or activity. Actually I didn't this year, bad I know, feeling a bit of guilt about that..... us Catholics are good at that!

 photo attribution 

                                                                                                     
Anyway, did you ever hear the expression-

guilty

pleasure? ......of course you have...

According to the merriam- webster dictionary it means: something pleasurable that induces a usually minor feeling of guilt.

My guilty pleasures all fall into a few categories, like.....

• I just rather not live without it, whatever it is.....
• Something that I either do or eat or drink little to often. 
• Then there's the guilt, because I'm good that way. 

Now a brief list of a few of my favorite guilty pleasures....

• Italian food, any and all Italian food! I can't just have one bowl of pasta or one slice of pizza I always want more! 
• Coffee, couldn't go a day without it. I know all that caffeine isn't good for me, but it's so darn good! 

• Sleeping in after Bill gets up in the morning. I'm not the greatest sleeper anymore so if I have the bed to myself and get a few extra zzzz's {sorry honey} is wonderful! 

OK my friends, we all have our guilty little pleasures so tell me; what's yours?

Linking this post up with Shell at
      Pour Your Heart Out

it's never fun in the stirrups

As you may know before I was a mother I was a step-mother. The kids, two girls and a boy little and so in need of love and attention and me such a nurturing spirit we were a match made in heaven. Life together had it's challenges but we had a good life together and made a family. We blended together and chose to love one another. So you might ask what in the world does this have to do with the gynecologist?  Well, every time I went to the gynecologist the girl/nurse would ask me "how many children do you have?" {meaning pregnancies} And I would respond {two} I was blessed to have never miscarried nor did I ever  terminate a pregnancy but I always felt terrible that I could't claim them felt disloyal somehow. I would then rush to say, I have three other children that I'm raising as my own, because they were SO important to me. Love and youth makes  us do funny things.

Years and years later I had moved down here to Virginia and I fell into the routine of using my regular Internist for my "female needs" but time and peri-menopause came a callin and I needed to find a gynecologist. I'll spare you all the details but test were done, problems I had a few and after a few years of going to him he recommended I have a procedure. Surgical in nature but not a biggie. The timing however was a biggie since it was about eight months after the kids accident. Now remember the question I mentioned above, well this doctor had an additional question. One, how many kids do you have? Two, how many of your children are living? 

So I go in and have all the test for the procedure, check up, biopsy, blood test we discuss everything. When he suggested it I talked to my regular doctor, my neurologist to see if it would impact my migraines and at the time I was in therapy so naturally we discussed it as well. I was not lacking for medical advise or was I impaired in anyway from making my own medical decisions, this point is important to the story.

I'm sitting there in the gyno's office under the half sheet, he's reviewing my pre-op tests and all of the sudden he freezes. Did you ever play freeze tag when you were a kid? Because that's what he reminded me of, the man just froze!  Then he looks up at my half naked covered with a paper sheet body and says. "Last time you were here you had two living children now you have one" and those words hang in the air. Part statement almost question, I wasn't biting however so then he asked. "May I ask what happened?" So I tell him that Gretchen and Eric were killed when his car was disabled on the highway and she went to pick him up, then a truck ran them over. Talking about this was difficult still so I don't give many details. His response was this {and I shit you not and he did this all while scribbling on his prescription pad} "that must have been rough." Five words, no eye contact, then he literally threw a prescription at me. Shocked I was shocked, I took this to mean that he was effectively cancelling my procedure.  Then he went on to say briskly   "try these pills and I'll see you in three months" and he walked out of the office leaving me half naked and shaking in shock on the exam table.

I wobbled off that exam table shaking like a leaf, got dressed then stumbled out of that office to the car where Bill was waiting. I'm sure it's no shock to any of you reading this post that I never filled that prescription. I never did go back to him either, no trust and it was beyond repair. I went out and found a great woman doctor instead!

I can only speculate why he did what he did.
Here's a few of my favorites made up ones:


1. He's a douche bag with the bedside manor of a douche bag!
2. He had some type of personal history & I brought up painful memories for him so he ran. {my therapist speculated he might have had some type of  painful history} I'm adding this because I love my former  therapist; nice guy and he'd want me to.
3. He wasn't willing to take the chance that I might be having difficulties with my mourning process that would interfere with my decision making but he didn't have the ornaments { that's balls} to speak openly with me about it.
4. He was just trying to make money on this new procedure and  unknowingly picked a vulnerable person { mourning mother}
5. He's a dirt bag who is unable to really connect with his patients.
6. He didn't tell me the whole truth and the pills would have been enough {fyi, my new gyno gave me pills}

Have you ever had a professional or personal relationship that has just left you scratching you head thinking what in the holy heck just happened here?

Linking up with Things I Can't Shell,  Thanks Shell !

flying my freak flag

Do you have things that just drive you crazy for no other reason than it's just a quirk of your personality? I'm not sure what it is with me but this week I'm flying my freak flag and it's flying high and waving all over the darn place.

photo attribution

It could very well be I have problems with authority figures or want my way or it could just be I'm getting bitchy in my old age.

Anyway I did all this research to find a Dermatologist that takes my insurance plan, it's not all that easy and sometimes when choosing a specialist I might have to drive as many as 60-100 miles to stay {in network}. So I find this doctor 42 miles from my house at this point I'm doing a happy dance. I looked up his credentials and so on and call his office to confirm he's on my plan and make an appointment.

I still have that rash under my arm {7weeks or more} and I want him to take a look at the area around my healed MRSA wound; the skin surrounding the scar tissue is hyper-pigmented and I wanted an opinion on if it needed treatment or if the discoloration will fade with time. Let me just say that these two issues were treated previously by two different doctors, rash by my internist, wound by my wound doctor.

I dial the phone and the receptionist answers the phone the conversation goes something like this...

"Him my name is Jen, is Dr. Blah Blah Blah taking on new patients?"

"Are you insured, what kind of insurance do you have?"
Now I'm thinking to myself I guess that means he's taking new patients but a hello would have been nice so I play along....


So mentioned the company.
She clarified a few more questions about my insurance then went on.....


"So what's the problem you'll be seeing the doctor for?"
I told her about my arm pit rash and my skin surrounding the scar, then she says to me....


"We require your doctor(s) send over a referral and we get you an appointment."

OK hold the phone.....my insurance doesn't require referrals to see a specialist.What if i have a reason that I don't want to share the fact that I'm seeing a dermatologist with either of these two doctors, that's certainly my prerogative? Then my next thought was, doctors don't do anything for free anymore or over the phone! Will i have to pay- make an appointment in order to get this referral that isn't even required?


Or what if I was a person who didn't have a regular doctor?


I spent a lot of money with my wound treatment last year....I'm still getting bills eight months later.  In addition, my former wound doctor is a hospitalist he doesn't even have an office- the hospital is his office and we all know their rates! 


Ridiculous, this whole that's what this whole thing is is becoming. All I want is a freakin appointment, I'm not a circus clown jumping thru hoops...so we continue to converse. I go on to tell her, "I've had this insurance for 30+ years and have never been required to do this before, may I ask why?"

"It's the doctor's preference and it's his personal rule" the receptionist tells me.

So I say, "I'm a 52 year old woman I believe I am capable of making the decision as to whether I need to see a dermatologist without another doctors evaluation, permission, knowledge or referral, rolling my eyes."
I'm glad she couldn't see me because I was being a tad disrespectful with my facial expressions!

She then says to me, "if you want to see Dr Blah Blah Blah the referral  is required"

Then I told her with a sigh, "With all due respect I think this rule is unnecessary and may even cause me to incur an unnecessary expense  I believe I'd rather find another doctor, thanks but no thanks."

Now I'm annoyed! This type of crap bothers me to no end.

I then hang up my phone so I can  hoist my freak flag a bit higher and started looking for another doctor!

Do you have quirky things that just really annoy you more than they should?

When was the last time you flew your freak flag?

Linking up with Shell today.
Thanks Shell....