A-Z 2013 the letter Y

What year were you born? 

OK I'm hearing a collective groan from many of you who are sensitive about disclosing personal information. Are you thinking? Nosy pig pants asking such personal information!

Well I'll go first.

I was 19xx the year of the pig.(see no personal info necessary!) 

Didn't know I was a pig did ya?

And all this time you thought I was a woman :)

My "Y" word is year.

Have you ever heard of Chinese Zodiac (Sheng Xiao) ? It's base on a twelve year cycle and each year relates to an animal. The animal signs are the rat, ox, tiger, rabbit, dragon, snake, horse, sheep, monkey, rooster, dog and pig. It's calculated according to the Chinese lunar calendar. 

I found one on a web site. All I had to do was put my year-day-month of birth into a calculator and oink! 

Disclaimer: This is for entertainment purposes only!

Click on the caption/link below and find out what your zodiac is. Then come back and leave a comment and let me know!

CLICK HERE

Here are the characteristics of a real pig:
Not as smart as a dog. Likes sleeping, eating and lazy and clumsy. It behaves itself, does no harm to others, and can bring affluence to people. So, pigs were once considered valuable.

*This and bacon makes me happy I'm not a pig! 

These are the strengths of people born in the year of the pig:

They are honest and frank and have a strong heart. Their fidelity to friendship is a real virtue. They are quick tempered, but hate arguments. They are kind to their loved ones. They are not afraid of difficulties and will usually try to work them out. They don't tell lies unless they have to. They are kind and light hearted and usually go to sleep easily.

*I'd like to think all of this is pretty accurate except for the sleeping part and the temper!

 Weaknesses of people born in the year of the pig:

They are trusting and sometimes naïve, so they may easily fall in traps. They do not have many friends. They are quick tempered and tend to be impulsive. They are not good at communicating with others. 

*I like to see the good in people if that's naive the that's me! No hot temper nor am I impulsive and I happen to be a fine communicator.  

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A-Z 2013 the letter R

I have been greeted as I leave my bedroom for the past few mornings by a big pile of puke on the balcony just outside my bedroom.

My cat Linus is having some tummy troubles...

Linus

So in honor of Linus my "R" word today is regurgitate.

Really! We don't call it regurgitate. Why would we when there are so many other fun names out there to call it!?

Here's a list I've compiled.

Do you have a name add to my list?

vomit

be sick

throwin groceries

drive the bus

dry heave

eject

blow chunks

gag

heave

hurl

lose one's lunch

pray to the porcelain god

puke

retch

spew

spit up

throw up

toss one's cookies

upchuck

Feel free to add your favorite "regurgitation" phrase in the form of a comment. 

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how things change

I love this picture of my sons Eric and Matthew with their friend Bill. It was taken years ago...I'm guessing 18 maybe 20 on a week long skiing trip that we had taken the kids on. 

One evening we took the boys out for an Italian dinner. We settled down and ordered our meals I can't remember what everyone else ordered but I got the squid and Bill ( pictured below in the middle) had never seen anyone eat (calamari) before. Clearly Bill our guest was pretty grossed out by my choice of meal; his facial expressions said it all.

At the end of our vacation week when we dropped him off at his house his mother greeted him at the door and asked him how his week was he said " Momma you are NOT gonna believe what Jennifer ate!"  

It was really pretty cute.

Eric, Bill and Matthew

Now lets jump ahead to present day. 

Bill is an adult who works in a city that my husband and I visit frequently for get-away weekends. It is not uncommon for us to try to meet with him for at least a drink and if his schedule allows dinner. Last time we had dinner he chose a lovely little place which happened to be Italian. The three of us, Bill, my husband named bill too and myself ordered a bottle of wine and then decided to order appetizers. My husband ordered soup, I ordered salad and Bill ordered fried calamari (squid). 

I just grinned :) Then I told him what he did when he was a little boy. He didn't recall but enjoyed hearing what he had said over some tender squid and a nice crisp white wine!

I'm happy to join my friend Martha over at Seaside Simplicity again this week for Flashback Friday. You're welcome to link up and share a great photo from your photo albums or bins and a good story if you have one. It's great fun, really it is!

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call me

If someone told you there was a crazy lady laughing hysterical alone in the middle of the Walgreen's parking lot the other day pay no mind, it was just me!

I just upgraded my cell phone over the holiday. I considered getting an I-Phone but then quickly rejected that idea when I decided I didn't want to learn a new phone; I've had an Android for a few years and really liked it a lot.

Not looking to make my life any more complicated I decided to just go with the Razr M which is also a Droid just newer and much improved. It's much faster, flatter, bigger, sleeker and it has tons more apps.  Still there are quite a few differences that I need to learn.

I admit it I'm not an instruction booklet reader, OK I said it. 

Ask my husband.

We went out the other day. I had the new phone all set up the way I wanted, phone lists, ringer, apps, clock, weather...everything. I was so pleased with myself all done without reading a word.

While were having lunch with my Mom at a local restaurant Mom and she asked me to run into the CVS two doors down from the restaurant to pick up a certain item for her. When they didn't have what she wanted I went  across the street to the Walgreen's.

As I left Walgreen's with her purchase my phone rang for the very first time. There I was standing in the parking lot of Walgreen's looking at my new phone and it dawned on me.

I didn't know how to answer it.

I laughed out loud when during my first attempt to answer my new cell I hung up on Bill who was calling to find out where the heck I was!!

Have I mentioned I don't like to read instructions?

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Wordless Wednesday- family resemblance

The family resemblance is amazing isn't it?

 It's particularly strong around the eye's and nose, yes?!

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wordless wednesday- I shot this turkey myself

Using my digital camera, hehe!

they said what!?

"Q"

I come from a family of strong Irish woman; both my grandmothers were off the boat from Ireland. I speak frequently about my Nana on my father’s side on this blog, but not all that often of my Nana on my mother’s side. My grandmother was very lively and although she passed away when I was a teenager I remember her for her strong will and wit. That wit I'm talking about was expressed in the form of sayings little quotes that she used to say in certain situations. And you know how it is; you say you're never gonna say those things your Mom said, but......

Well, Mom grew up listening to Nana's snappy quotes and then went on to repeat them many times over the years not only to me and my brothers but to other as well.

Today is letter “Q”

Q is for quotes.

Now like any other kid growing up I heard all the usual stuff that kids usually hear, you’re familiar with the quotes.

“Do you think you live in a barn” when you left the door open.

Or “turn the lights out do you think you father owns the power company?” When you left the light on in your bedroom.

"Clean up this pigsty." when you room got a tad bit messy.

But my family had quotes that took it up a notch that were original or at least I think so.

Now let me just preface this by saying I grew up in a normal loving family, my parents weren't mean or unloving, neither was my Nana. I am sharing these quotes in good fun  and I never ever heard them being used in any other way.

So if you didn’t get your way in my house and indulged in some alligator tears you might if circumstance and age allowed here something like, “the more you cry the less you’ll pee” as a response to your phony baloney tears.

Or when you go into trouble, something you were perhaps counseled not to do and did anyway. Then were looking for sympathy you might be told, “sympathy is between shit and syphilis in the dictionary.”

If you lifted the lid on a pot in my house and asked, "what’s this?"  Acting as if it dinner was unidentifiable when you really knew it was pot roast and Mom knew that you knew, Mom would respond by telling you your dinner was.....“pig shit and cauliflower.” 

You know how now a days when you get mad you just flip someone the bird, or tell someone to go f^*k themselves if they cut you off or steal you taxi,  well not my relatives they’re more original. They’d tell you to “shit in your hat put it over your head and make brown curls,” or “to go scratch your ass in Macy’s window.”

My childhood friends from the beach used to love to come off the beach and gather at the house, if mom came in the living room and she caught you sitting on the coffee table she’d say, “tables are for glasses not for asses.”  Our friends actually made her a coffee cup for her 80th with that saying & a group picture on it taken by that table. Cute huh!

Were your parents or grandparents quotable? Did they say funny things? Do you have family quotes that are special to your family like the things my Mom and Nana used to say. Maybe there things that just drove you up the wall about your parents that they said over and over again.

Do share!

the secret's out, we stink

It is a serious problem and it's complicated; here's the story. First I should say that the smelly offenders are just me and my hubby, the kids are all grown and gone but their ours so lets for the sake of argument call them smelly too! Hey it's my blog and I can do what I want! I am very sensitive to odors/ fragrances, in fact most of the products that I use have very little fragrance or are fragrance free which has led my dilemma. I like every other person in the planet have tried every laundry detergent, Tide, Cheer, All, Gain, and others and frankly the all are pretty smelly, literally. The fragrance's are just to strong for me plus I would rather not smell like my detergent.


I  suffer from migraines and strong scents on my sheets and blankets can mean hours and hours of horrible pain. So I went to the scent free brand of All and scent free Bounce  sheets thinking ha, I am so freekin smart my clothes and linens are clean and fresh and there's no fragrance, right? Wrong!! My sheets and blankets are stinky!! They smell like BODY- they do not smell clean or fresh! You know  what I mean....they smell like our sweat, sorry there's just no nice way to put it. And I might add we shower daily and I change our sheets twice a week wash my sheets using hot water! 

Anyhoo, I was walking down the natural-organic aisle the other day in the grocery store; so desperate was I for a new laundry detergent that I was actually collecting home made laundry detergent recipes as a last resort. Then I heard the angels sing then the clouds parted { do you have clouds in you market?}and a ray of sun shone on a bottle on the shelf.{the angel and sun part didn't really happen but I thought it sounded good so I added it just for a bit of drama} And what was on this shelf you might ask? The answer to my stinky situation. 

Biokleen, this stuff is amazing! I purchased a 64 oz bottle of the citrus {grapefruit seed and orange peel}{there are other choices available} and took it home to try. In my grocery store it was just over $11.00 per bottle and it does 64 loads, one ounce per large load. I did my first stinky load of sheets, and they came out smelling like sunshine! Really they smelled like I just pulled them in off the clothes line, no lie. You can be sure I'll never go back to any of the other major brands. And the plus is that this brand is phosphate free, which is better for the environment!

                 Group Blog Experience

     Prompt:  A Review
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Why should you try this detergent you may be asking yourself ? Well I may be stinky but my opinions are awesome!

you did what?

For Mama Kat's Pretty Much World Famous Writer's Workshop this week I chose this prompt: You know the stories that are retold a million times at family gatherings? I call them Life Stories that you just never live down. List your Top 10 Life Stories. 

Family stories are most funny to the family that they belong to because we know the people, the personalities. I come for a large family with lots of kids many many cousins.We're all in our thirties, forties, fifties even sixties now and I have to say we never get tired of these stories.  There are so many good stories that are swirling around in my head that could be told about all of us. Here are some of my favorites!

• Once at a holiday dinner, I believe it was Thanksgiving, someone threw a piece of turkey  across the table and it landed in my cousin Genevieve’s soda , she sipped it not knowing it was there, then threw up on the table. ( my brother Paul swears it was stuffing not turkey, he had a front row seat, he was sitting next to her) We still don't know who threw the offending object!

• I took a walk with my cousins, Gen, Patricia, my brother Paul and cousin Mickey on the boardwalk once, I didn't want to be with the girls I wanted to be with the boys. They however had different idea, they left me by jumped off the boardwalk. I was eight years old and lost, I walked to this little beauty parlor which sat off the end of the boardwalk and sat there crying and crying until they came back later. They got in trouble! (I didn't know my address we were living at a summer house)

• We had a party at our house once and my cousin Yvonne mistakenly used a Clorox wipe thinking it was a personal feminine wipe. Ouch!

• Poor cousin Lorraine was locked in the car trunk in Brooklyn by her sister Yvonne and my brother Paul, my grandfather found her.

• My brother Gerard (aka, Gerry berry) stuck a berry in his ear, from the Christmas decorations.

• My personal favorite when at a family party my cousins threw my little shit balls from my diaper out the upstairs window at Uncle Charlie’s head since he didn’t have hair!

• While visiting my friends Flora’s Uncle Joe in Brooklyn he was commenting at the dinner table how beautiful my daughter Heather was, as the words left his mouth, she threw up on the table.

• My son Billy put a clothes pin on our cat Tinkerbelle’s tail once, needless to say they didn’t like each other very much. Once when staying with my parents Billy was sleeping on the couch, and Tinkerbelle  who traveled with us decided to get her payback, she climbed on Billy when he was sleeping and peed on his back.

• My cousin cut my hair after one lesson in hair cutting school; it was a disaster. Mom took me to the beauty parlor after to repair the damage, can anyone say pixie?

• I was walking down the street with my son Matthew and I was VERY pregnant with Eric, a utility worker was working in a freshly dug hole on some sewer pipes. As we turned the corner I said to my toddler son” look Matthew a big hole.” The man looked up at me and said” not big enough for you lady!”

gems picked up in the bathroom

I was always very good with time management- still am. I tend to be an organized person- good at getting things done. With a family of seven I'd have to be or I'd have went crazy, right?  As each of the kids left the nest our schedules freed up more and more;

there are perks of an empty nester-well sorta!

Going through transitions are not without their challenges especially for us; but we tried to approach it with a touch of humor.

Anyway, Bill - my husband -loves those funny little books with facts or cute little stories, you know the ones

- you keep in the library bathroom! 

Well, I was looking through on of them the other day and I came upon this quote and I couldn't help but laugh! Then I thought it was so ridiculous and humorous yet relevant to our lives it worth sharing. 

Linking up with Bits of Bee today.

I lied twice in this post and that's the truth- UPDATED

Did that title grab ya? Seriously it's all fun really! Instead of the traditional "about me" list I've decided to do something with a bit of a twist today. I was thinking back on my younger days, high school and beyond, believe it or not I had a umm.... wild side back in the day. Here's a glimpse into Jen then and now... with a twist in my list. Out of the dozen things about me, two of them are untrue, want to give it a shot and guess which ones I made up?

1. I was voted the biggest flirt of my graduating class. The boys had issues because I wouldn't date them!
2. I broke into a neighbors house (as in burglarized) to steal a puppy that was being abused and neglected. Writing about this on Mama Kat's  this week, stay tuned!
3. I then fessed up to the neighbor breaking into the neighbors house after stealing said puppy. My dad marched me over and made me!
4. I got so drunk on champagne once, I actually took my pantyhose off on a street corner after leaving a wedding reception. Not my greatest moment!Even now when I smell champagne it makes me sick.
5. As a student I was never more than average, sad but true; maybe! Sometimes average is good!
6. I was on the kick line in high school, can you imagine the younger me in saddle shoes and a short uniform showing all that leg? This was fun.
7. I was born on Friday the 13th. March, I was due on St Patty's day but came early!
8. Would you believe I'm five foot nine inches tall? Truth or tall tale? Every inch of it! And I'm the shortest member of the seven members of our family!
9. I love shoes, I have tons of pairs and love wearing all of them. I would sell my sole for shoes! I wish i could be bare foot all year long, I hate shoes, hate wearing them.
10. I was a singer in a band that played in the local bars in the town I grew up in. Did work in my Dad's bar as a bartender but I don't have much of a voice. Sorry!
11. My last child was just under 10 pounds at birth. Eric was a big boy, 9lbs 10 oz -22inches
12. I was a tomboy who loved to play outside and never did really care for dolls. who wants dolls when they have the beach?

Are you able to spot the fabrications in this list? There are only two. Care to make a guess, just comment? Then come back in a few days and I'll highlight the lies in red so you know if you guessed right. Oh and if this bring up any of your memories that you'd like to share, please do! I mean now that you think I'm a burglar and all! ( And family members probably shouldn't participate since it wouldn't be fair OK!)

love letter- love of my nights

This week for Mama Kat's Pretty Much World Famous Writer's Work Shop I picked the prompt in which I have to write a love letter to an inanimate object.

So here goes....

Dear,

Love of my nights.

I love your softness.

The way you feel against my skin.

You caress my face as I breathe in your freshness.

The pain I feel when you're not near is physical.

We're a perfect fit.

I cannot imagine getting thru a single night without you....

How I long to wrap my arms around you as I drift off to sleep.

I hurt without you.

I ache without you.

Especially my back and neck!

My dear soft lovely pillow.

make me laugh monday - cats

My blog buddy and sister in spirit Kristen over at 

A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR ME 

had decided to brighten our Mondays by injecting them with bit of fun. 

She's beginning today a photo linky with a twist.

Why not write a bit of  fiction with your photo- non fiction- 

-or-

 just link your photo wordless?

The idea is to have fun with it. That's why she's calling it

"Make Me Laugh Monday"  

I'm doing it, why don't you?

Now....meet Cheetah and Tarzan. I have a feeling they are going to be Monday regulars!

I'm Miss Moneypenny I admit it!

OK I admit it I did a bit of planting today outside in the afternoon on and off the decks mums and pansies and such straightened out the decks and porches while my husband trimmed back some bushes. And I might have had some other things planned for outside which I totally ditched because......


I then went into the house and the big screen TV was on and CLOO TV was running a James Bond marathon. I don't know about any of you but I LOVE James Bond movies.I was practically raised on them. I doubt there is a Bond movie that I've missed so naturally I parked my butt down on the couch and tuned in. Oh I didn't sit all day, actually I have a great room, my living, dining and kitchen are all one large room so I can still get tons done and watch the TV; but I did watch.


Anyhoo! I don't know to many women or men that don't dream about either being bedded by good ole James there might just be a bit of Miss Moneypenney in us. Maybe your a guy reading this and want to live the life of James or you could want to bed him too after all  it's fun to indulge in harmless fantasy and that's OK too. Wouldn't it be exciting dashing around from one exotic place to another with beautiful people, money, expensive cars, martini's shaken not stirred, intrigue at every turn and seemingly endless supplies of hotel concierges who know you and always have a suite ready and waiting; what a life.

I myself am a Danial Craig (the newest Bond) gal I just melt at those bright blue eyes that wonderful chest, that bit of sarcasm that just doesn't quite hide the hurt boy he tries so hard to hide and of course that ass, which is just...... well have you seen it?



 

1. Sean Connery

2.Pierce Brosnan

3.Roger Moore

4.Timothy Dalton

5.George Lazenby

6.Danial Craig

And do you have a favorite movie? Pick one or twenty and let us know.

1.Casino Royale

2. Quantum of Solace  3.Tomorrow Never Dies 4. Dr. No 5. From Russia With Love 6. Live And Let Die 7. Thunderball 8. Goldfinger 9. You Only Live Twice 10. ON Her Majestys Secret Service 11. Diamonds Are Forever 12. For Your Eyes Only 13.Moonraker 14. Octopussy 15. The Living Daylights 16. The Man With The Golden Gun 17. The Spy Who Loved Me 18. A View To A Kill 19. License To Kill 20. Goldeneye 21. The World Is Not Enough 22. Die Another Day

To tell you the truth I love all the Bond movies, I especially like The Spy Who Loved Me, Casino Royal, From Russia With Love and The Living Daylights.


What about you, what's your favorite Bond flicks?

Which Bond actor is your favorite and why?

It is an un-natural attachment I know!

I spent spent a good bit of my morning on the phone with Danial the HP guy. It seems the CPU in my new Notebook died some time during the night. I am grieved beyond words; well I do have enough words for a short post!

This laptop is brand spanking new for crying out loud!! Now my sorry ass is sitting in front of my husbands desk top typing this post! I hate his computer, it quite frankly feels weird to me, rather like sleeping in a strange bed or using someone else's bathroom to do #2.

Now I send my red almost new notebook off to the HP repair people off in the sky; for free! Yippee for the warranty and they'll fix her up (in a lot longer than) no time. But a big boohoo for me that I don't have my laptop and a big BOO and a HISS for HP that my laptop failed after only three months. This is not good!

A few things strike me about this whole thing:

1. They just don't make things the way they used to do they?

2. They send you confirmation e-mails when your computer dies asking you to confirm the serial # and other information. How do you receive them if you computer's broken? They didn't ask me if I had a spare!

3. Nothing is quick anymore, it may take three weeks for my computer to be returned, heck it didn't take that long to build the darn thing!

4. There's always that little "and if" and if we find your brother's wife's niece spilled a drink on your laptop then we'll bill you all the charges. The back door is always open isn't it?

5. Those numbers I mentioned in (2) they're hidden in the battery compartment, and you need the Hubble telescope to read them they're so small, I don't work for NASA.

Am I the only one that finds this whole thing just plain dumb?

my leg wound, a cow and a penis?

My head is spinning, yet another week has past and my leg trauma drama read here continues with another therapy. The wound vac      (negative pressure wound therapy) is gone for now and am now being treated with what they call an unna boot. The wound vac as it happens was damaging the skin around my wound so they decided to give me a break hopefully for good.*fingers crossed*

This new thing the unna boot is a wet gauze bandage soaked in zinc ointment which will heal my wound and help treat my damaged skin surrounding it. Then on top of that they wrap this other type of dry ace type bandage- tightly. Its wrapped from the arch of my foot to just below my knee, my legs feeling a bit claustrophobic- can that happen?

Truthfully, it's rather like wearing wet underwear and putting dry pants on top YUCKY! This stays on 24/7 like the dumb vac. I have to put an knee high stocking so my leg doesn't get plastered to the sheet at night and keep my leg up for hours on end during the day so it doesn't swell. This whole affair which started as a simple bruise and a few blisters is just getting more and more bizarre every week.

If I could run out to the mailbox every day to see if my insurance pre-authorization is in the box, believe me I would. Tomorrow, I think I'm gonna pre-schedule an anointing with my parish priest- some priest will do it some won't, we'll see about my new pastor. I thinking positively that the ok for the skin graft will go thru and I'll be good to go on all fronts.  That might happen in three weeks, prayers please!

I wish to heaven I was an accomplished humor writer because I was doing a bit of research on the type of skin graft he's planning to use (Apligraf),  I read that the skin is made from the cells from infant foreskin (that would be from a penis for those of you who live in a cave and are not informed on what foreskin is) and bovine collagen; no lie. Like skin from my ass wouldn't have been funny enough! This is just to funny and will have to wait for another post.

"swim charlie swim" - when dogs pee to much

Do you have funny stories from your childhood that just make you laugh? I have tons of them actually, most from my days on the beach and my friends on the block. We had some good times during the summers of my childhood. Maybe you missed the story of my friend Mary and I as we watched the neighbor boys tie their Nanny up in the yard and cut her hair off in a friendly game of cowboys and Indians? You can read it here if you missed it girls-and-indians.

I was thinking today of another story this one had to do with a bunch of dogs who liked to pee on the fence A LOT!

My dogs names were Major and Smokey and my Aunt and Uncle's dog was named Duke; they were all Shepherds.My friend Mary lived right next door and there was a chain linked fence separating our yards, her much smaller dog was named Charlie Brown. The dogs, all male would wile away the hours rotating peeing on the fence, one after another like a ballet.

One night Mary and I were sitting at the curb directly in front of the gate to her yard. And there to our right was the four male dogs having their nightly pee fest. Then we heard a noise to the left, the neighbor on the other side had company, oh their company had a dog. OH SHIT it was a big dog a Great Dane.

We watched as if in slow motion as little Charlie Brown made his way over to the fence and started to lift his leg. The giant Great Dane did the same and poor Charlie Brown didn't know what hit him as pee rained down all over his little brown little body.

Then as if out of the blue from the doorway behind us we heard Mary's mother in a soft voice dripping with disgust say calmly but with humor that was hard to miss, " swim Charlie swim, swim Charlie swim." 

We sat on the curb and just giggled and giggled; I'm not sure what was funnier that Charlie was soaked with pee or that Mary's mother thought that the whole thing was so darn funny. We were maybe thirteen at the time and Mom's were not funny EVER then!

How about you; cute memories of childhood or favorite pet stories that you remember and would like to share?

can you smell me now?

my new high tech shower

Being a patient of home heath care nursing is kinda like being in jail. No vacations, no swimming, no beach, you get the idea! Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the fact that the wound care nurses are highly skilled and will ultimately get my leg healed quicker than if I just went to the doctor every Monday.They are the nicest ladies too! They came on Thursday for paperwork and Friday to set up my wound vac (Negative Pressure Wound Therapy). They will come to my house regularly on Monday and Wednesday's and Fridays until my doctor discontinues the treatment.

After doing all the medical necessities they attach this foam thingie that placed over my wound (it's literally a vacuum seal over the wound). There's a tube that carries beads of moisture from my leg  to the actual pump/vacuum that I have to wear over my shoulder or around my waist in a carry case. The purpose is to keep the wound dry so it grows healthy tissue and heals faster. I have to wear it 24/7.

Little did I know when my doctor ordered this therapy which he added to the traditional weekly therapy that I cannot take a shower except on Monday's. Can you smell me now? Every Monday after my doctor's appointment when he removes the vac to check my leg I can come home and shower, then the nurses  come and put it back on :(

Last night I was at my friend Becky's house with some other girl friends. We had a wonderful dinner pool side in the gazebo. Lovely cool salads, good wine, spirited conversation with good friends. Anyway we got to talking about my leg, being that they're my friends they are concerned about my health. And being that they're my friends their were of course a few giggles about the whole topic of how fragrant I might be by the end of the week since I can't shower until Monday. Sponge baths are not the type of bathing that really does it for me; but I guess I'll have to make the sacrifice to get this thing healed. So the wine was flowing and we got to talking about the different names that one might call a 'sponge bath'. A few possibilities that were mentioned were  a 'bird bath' and a 'whores bath'.

Do you have a funny name for 'sponge bath' that you want to share? Believe me I could use a laugh.....

my doctor- my word!

I went to the wound doctor for my second treatment today. I really like this guy; he's pretty funny and he uses 'food words' as examples to get his messages across.

It got me to thinking maybe his father was a butcher or maybe he owned a  food market.  This is why- because he says the funniest things; the little instrument that he uses to clean my wound with is like a mini  'melon baller.' The ointment that I have to put on my wound every day is supposed to 'marinate' my wound. And when I asked him today what parts of the wound looked the healthiest he replied " I want this wound to look like a juicy red piece of meat."  I know I know it's gross right?

I made wonder what his mother did for a living when he ordered NPWT for me today, that stands for (negative pressure wound therapy) better known as 'wound vacuuming'; I don't know maybe she was a housekeeper, ya think?

the escape

Write a short piece - 600 words max - that begins with the words, 

"This was absolutely the last time" and ends with "She was wrong."

"This was absolutely the last time," Daisy said to her mother.


"Be quiet you guys and goooo to sleep or eeeelse," she yelled to the kids loud enough for the whole neighborhood to hear! 


That was met by a chorus of groans. "I am not going to get up again," she yelled.  


But of course her mother Lily knew she would. 

Mother and daughter had been watching a movie in the living room on the new DVD player. Throughout the movie they kept on hearing the chatter and the giggles and the occasional bang of the kids in the bedroom  near the front of the house. 

"You know how it is when the kids are over tired Daisy," Lily said.


Daisy had told them to settle down more times than she could count. She knew what her mother was saying was true but somehow it didn't help to soothe her frustration.


"Mom I'm getting really tired of this crap; I don't even know what this movie's about," she exclaimed! 

Then came the rattle of the cookie wrapper from the kitchen, the sound was unmistakable. But a quick peek through the door and down the hallway showed no child in sight.

Daisy returned to the couch, closed her eyes for a minute and took a deep breath; when she opened them her mother was grinning.

"Oh Mom, I could have sworn I heard that cookie wrapper rattling  a second ago, really I did!" 

Lilly laughed," oh it's just the boys give them a break Daisy."



Lily was thinking to herself the kids were probably snitching cookies, after all little boys are always hungry for cookies.


"Mom I'm done, I mean it!"  "If I catch the kids out of bed they're in big trouble so you can wipe that smile off your face and it is not funny!" 

Daisy got up off the couch and edged down the hallway and was greeted by an empty kitchen; all she saw was an open package of Oreo Cookies on the counter top.

Then ever so quietly she cracked opened the bedroom door and entered to check on the children.


"They look like they're sleeping," she said to herself in a whisper.


Curious she stepped closer, light streaming thru the curtains she could see each was breathing deeply in and out in and out. Their sleep was sound, the type of deep sleep that cannot be faked by children that young.

Back in the kitchen Daisy called out," Momma, want some cookies and tea?" "Thanks honey," was the reply. 


She picked up the package of cookies with the intention of taking some cookies out of the package when a mouse jumped out from under the cellophane wrapper.

Dropping the cookies she swallowed back a half scream- half laugh as she watched the little mouse escape across the kitchen floor. Daisy then muttered into the air with a grin." If Mom thought the kids were in those cookies I can say with out a doubt that she was wrong."

To those who read this piece
I've never tried my hand at writing fiction.

Fiction is scary to me!

In the interest of full disclosure, we did have an incident at my Mom's house with a mouse in the Oreo's once. So that part of the story is true; the rest if made up completely by me. 

So when you read this piece be honest but gentle on this fiction newbie!